Domestic violence and psychological abuse in expat families

Happy Valentine's day!? Four days ago, an article in the New York times reminded us that it's not Valentine's day everyday for women in Afghanistan. The rare shelters (14) that have been built in recent year to rescue women victim of domestic violence are again at risk of disappearing…

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/11/world/asia/11shelter.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=afghan%20women%20shelters&st=cse

Violence against women in Afghanistan is almost of cultural phenomenon. We were reminded of the banality of domestic violence in Afghanistan when watching the results of the context for the best picture 2011 for the National Geographic: One of the winner is the picture of the still beautiful and horribly mutilated 18 year-old Bibi Aisha whose nose and ears were cut by her husband.  

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2011/02/pictures/110211-world-press-photo-best-pictures-contest-2011/#/world-press-photo-best-pictures-contest-2011-jodie-bieber-portrait-afghanistan-woman_32144_600x450.jpg

Unfortunately domestic violence is not isolated to some particularly poor regions of the globe. The statistics are in fact terrible. In her article (link below), an author mentions that "at least one out of every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime, according to a study based on 50 surveys from around the world (Amnesty International, 2008)." From other sources, in the US, 25% of women have been physically or sexually assaulted by a partner (Tjaden & Thoennes, 2000). Two women are killed each week by a current or former violent partner in the Western world.

Immigrant women and expat are much more exposed to domestic violence than women who live in their familiar environment. They are much more isolated socially. They are often emotionally and financially dependent of their partners which makes it very difficult for them to escape. Typically, the abusers progressively isolate their victims and undermine their self-confidence, for example they undermine their efforts to work or find a job, harassing them psychologically first and then physically to prevent them from going to work or going to parties.

The language barrier, the distance from friends or family to whom to talk, the difficulties to understand where to seek help, the opacity of the foreign legal systems and assistance systems (where to find shelters and financial assistance, what happens after the divorce, will she have child custody...) put women in a very vulnerable position. Generally there is a sense of powerlessness (helplessness) that accompanies the expat experience (a stress we talked about in previous postings) that makes it even more difficult for women to escape from a psychologically or physically abusive relationship than if she had stayed home and was not lost in a very unfamiliar environment.  

I found out this article that describes very clearly the issues faced by expat women facing domestic violence:  

http://www.escapefromamerica.com/2010/10/help-for-victims-of-domestic-violence-in-expat-communities/

If you are in this situation or if you suspect one of your friends to be in this situation, some international information centers can help you to find shelter or provide advice on the best and safest ways out.  See the link below: it provides at the end a list of websites and telephone dedicated to providing assistance to physically and psychologically abused women.

http://www.expatwomen.com/expat_confessions/domestic_violence_abroad.php

This article offers also very useful advises to take the first steps and prepare an escape plan while ensuring the maximum safety for the abused person. This is absolutely essential to be very careful in this process.

Being stuck in a psychologically or physically abusive relationships feels for the victim as if there was absolutely no escape. The situation has build up progressively and even the strongest women can end up feeling very helpless and experience emotional numbness after months or years of abuse. It is very difficult to get out of such a place. But many women did it. I can just hope, if you are in this situation or if a friend of yours is facing this, that you will soon find resources to help you get out and find a safe place and start to heal and find the happiness you deserce as much as any of us. 

References: There are no statistics or studies addressing the issue of domestic violence in expat communities specifically. The best resources are mentioned in the two links above. You can read a successfull psychological program for women suffering from post-traumatic disorders asssociated with domestic violence (psychologically or physically): the book of Edward Kubany is of great help "healing the trauma of domestic violence, a workbook for women." and is meant for women who have found a safe place and are ready to start their psychological recovery.