Yesterday I went to a new place to get a coffee and read some Dutch magazines to improve my Dutch _ much more fun than buying my own magazines and reading them alone at home. And it costs less too J !
Anyway, so I made a mistake because there were no magazines in this new place, so I decided to go and buy one, then I would come back to the same place and read. I had a busy schedule for the day: I had an appointment with a girl friend to go shopping for new clothes and boots! I can be a busy woman!
Next door there was a store specialized in spiritual books and selling a few magazines. They had "how to make a living working 4h a week", CD of music from heaven, books on stress management and "you don't need to shave to head to become a Buddhist" kind of stuff.
I was waiting for my turn to pay for my magazine… and… the ladies behind the Kassa desk didn't seem in a hurry at all to serve us. They all looked cheerful, ahaha, I am so happy to work at this place (did I say 'work'?). Here they were, chatting and helping a colleague... And here I was, standing, surrounded by exotic scents and sweet music.
So what do I do when standing in a line? I start to think about psychology - yes it's terrible, I can't help! A few of my random thoughts then: "Do they practice meditation every morning before starting their work here or is it just this atmosphere that brainwashes them?... It's too much happiness; it's the proof that sometimes too much happiness is just not right... Oh please can't you just do your job?... Or is something wrong with me? Perhaps I should be more patient, oh I am such a bad person.. Come on ladies you can't make a living by working 4h a week AND be that relaxed and happy??"...
Ok, but as I said, here I was, surrounded by peace and love and really really nice and gentle people… So I shut up and wait for my turn…
Now I want to make a statement: as much as I know that relaxation is good for us, I will not let it make me a passive and slow person (oh dear, am I still a bit angry!?)
Seriously, relaxation should help us a become more balanced persons, but it shouldn't mean that we will loose our energy and our drive. The purpose of relaxation methods is rather to enable us to focus instead of doing too many things at the same time, and it shouldn't lead us to live in passivity. Even if it makes us feel better and happier, there is still a lot to be done on this planet I am afraid. So personally, I think this should not slow me down when I decide it's time for a run!
In fact, something I read recently made me think that we can use relaxation to make us tougher! I though it was a really powerful idea. I read this idea in a workbook for physically and psychologically abused women (see my recent posting) from an author who is seen as an authority in this field, Edward Kubany. He suggests to women who suffer from traumas to learn to use relaxation. Relaxation is key to recovering from stress but also from traumas.
Once they have developed the ability to control their breath while feeling strong anxiety, they are ready to learn, step by step, to be confronted again with difficult images and difficult situations. For example, learning to watch difficult movies with violence while learning to manage their anxiety and keep it at a manageable level. Of course it's not something you can learn in one day and not even one week. But the idea is that once you master relaxation techniques, you can better control your anxiety, and you can train yourself to go into situations which previously made you anxious. It will still make you anxious, but less and less, as you get used to it. This is a sort of desensitization program.
Relaxation methods are really efficient for many of the psychological issues we face. It helps to diminish stress, it helps to visualise difficult situations and face them better, it helps to become more creative, it can help to diminish loneliness feelings (see previous posting and see reference list for more info ).
It is less known that relaxation techniques also help build resilience: it means they help us to get tougher, more able to cope with difficult moments in life. It takes a lot of courage to expose ourselves voluntarily to things that make us anxious. But it is worth it, it really works. You can use it with courage, and, if you are much stressed, use it as a method enabling you to focus better on the most important things. It doesn't mean that you become more passive or slower. It is your choice after all, so relaxation will not turn you into something you don't want to become.
Many people fear that relaxation will just slow them down. It's a cliché. Relaxation will slow down your metabolism, indeed, because that's the point. But at the mental level, it should be used to energize you: focus, cope with tough realities, deal with fears. And dealing better with anger and impatience too, ahah! Easier said than done, isn't it? ;-)
Have a good Sunday!!
The reference from Kubany: Healing the trauma of domestic violence, and workbook for women. Kubany, McCaig, Laconsay. 2004. It contains lots of scales and exercises for people who have been abused in the past, from a partner but also useful for people who have been abused as a child.
There is a version for patients and a book for therapists. It is meant to heal traumas after they happened (if you are still in such a situation, such a book is not useful in the first place. You should rather go to my other posting and follow the last two links to see websites with lists of centers to get help).
On relaxation, I like the ' relaxation and stress reduction workbook' from Davis, Eshelman & McKay', it's very simple to read and contains tons of useful exercises to reduce stress, from relaxation to nutrition and exercise.
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